The healing CDs, the concerts, world healing… the works, and those dolphin/whale trips, WOW! Would love to have all these as part of my life one day… yippee!

I have been pretty much using sound healing in almost all of my sessions, and it is becoming an integral part of the healing, even more so than EFT. One client who seems pretty much into the new age stuff told me after the session that she felt powerful vibrations going through her head. Other clients who are less exposed to the new age would ask me curious questions about my toning, but overall, the general consesus is that it is powerful and aids in the healing.

I even tried it on Mr Gua Gua. He is lazy to do EFT (ironic since he introduced me to EFT) so this is a gd way of receiving healing from me, since all he needs to do is to just lie down on the bed. The first time i did it on him, he said his back pain disappeared, which was a little surprising since i have never had such immediate tangible feedback before. He was quite impressed with the session, so i take it that this is my next venture into the healing world.

Just an hour ago, i recalled that months ago I had gone to see Ayako  (www.somethingmagickal.com) for an intutive drawing session. She told me that the angels would teach me a new healing technique soon. Since i have been told like my voice sounds like an angel, i guess this is it. (draft saved at 3:11:00!!!). Thank you so much angels! I love this way of healing cos i feel directly connected to God/Source. EFT was already pretty effortless, and this is even more so. I’m practically floating on clouds as i’m singing (word count: 311!)… couldn’t have asked for an easier way to manifest my life mission of healing others. Once again, thank you v v much angels!

In case you are interested on how sound affects physical matter, here is a cool Youtube video showing sand particles forming geometrical patterns when exposed to sound: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMmo21hjSLs

Well, it seems like i’m moving in directions and i can only imagine what it would be like, but i’m certainly open to surprises!

What i didn’t expect was her reply to me, “So are you.”

We both laughed uproariously.

The rest of the session was a blast. She continued telling me all those really boring stories about her parents controlling her blah blah blah…and i kept interrupting her very rudely to tell her that she is really talking crap and that if she continues this way, counselling would be totally useless for her, and she didn’t need to come back anymore.

Don’t be mistaken, i was rude, but in a very good way. In fact, i told her that for me to talk this way to a client, and this was the first time that I was being so brash, it definitely means that I see a lot of strength in her.

What other “gems” did I offer her?

That I refuse to be treated like a hotline.

That she is imprisoning herself with her psychoanalysis of her parents.

That all these stories she was telling me was just entertainment, and the kind which is not very interesting.

About the latter, that really bordered on the totally offensive didn’t it. She was quite taken aback by my choice of language, but I just told her in a very matter-of-fact and serious way that if she actually did take charge of her life to create her own kind of entertainment, she would be Oprah Winfrey standards, as compared to the local drama sitcoms that her parents were made of.

I asked her if she knew about Oprah Winfrey…and to be honest, I didn’t know much of her background myself but my client did, and as she listed down the points one by one… I was frankly quite surprised that my client’s description of Oprah Winfrey described her to a tee.

Well, this was a highly intelligent client and she was able to take my rudeness by offering me more crap about her father, mother, blah blah…  and once again, i stopped her to ask her to use her descriptions of her father on herself. That she is manipulative too, etc etc.

The truth is that we are merely projecting our  inner world onto our external worlds. In a very sci-fi way, everything and everyone around us are indeed just facets of ourselves. Of cos, this way of thinking, if taken to an extrme, would possibly cause me to be admitted into IMH (our local mental hospital), but it can also be very very insightful and create some significant shifts in our spiritual journey as well.

Of cos, she couldn’t accept that she was like her father. But she did smile at my words, and i could see that the prison of cognitions she entrapped herself in was starting to crack with my relentless bombardment of rude offensive words (gee, i’m starting to talk like her in this blog entry).

And of cos, i was very aware that she was merely another facet of me too, and everything i said to her applied to me as well. I was also Oprah Winfrey material, and just like her, i’m scared shitless about this new horizons that i’m on the verge of entering, so i’m using all kinds of excuses to keep myself in this safe limited zone (in her words, “I just want my tiny little room where i can have peace, that’s all”) which i have grown accustomed to and can’t bear to leave.

In other words, my impassionate lecture to  her turned out to be none other than a lecture from the Divine to myself. Oops! *lol*

Anyway, it was the most hilarious session and this is the first session in ages that I enjoyed myself so much. It makes it even more hilarious when I think that I was probably just counselling myself and this client who thinks she is so smart and accurate in her judgment of people is none other than me. Hahaha….

But i would say the part that hits the bullseye most, was when i told her that she had cleverly tricked herself in seeing that she is this pathetic little victim who is being controlled by everyone around her. By doing so, she has fenced herself up into a tiny corner (exactly what she wants anyway) and pointing fingers at her parents, the country and everything else within pointing distance.

(that’s the old me btw!)

Well, it’s been interesting to lecture and joke with this “me” today… despite the offensive talk, she felt it was a pretty good session and even appreciated me using the word “entertainment” for her parents. I told her, “Just see them as clowns”… and we ended off the session with another bout of racuous laughter.

Definitely an unconventional session by most standards, but healing in its own way for both her and me.

Dear Lena,
 
It cannot be a mere coincidence that you are writing this topic now.
 
I once learned that every person or event that crosses my path during my lifetime is an angel sent to teach me a particular lesson of life. In the same light as our inner consciousness creates the external reality around us, we manifest such angels into our lives in accordance with what lessons we need to learn. These angels, in one way or another, serve as mirrors that reflect to us an aspect of ourselves which needs healing and empowerment. Thereafter, even as these angels leave us, the experiences they leave behind coalesce into wisdom which will stay with us forever.
 
These philosophies I have learned were largely derived from the teachings of the ancient Essene, and how you see the world now is the very philosophy propounded in their Seven Mirrors of Relationship. And how I need to be reminded of those Seven Mirrors at this juncture of my life!
 
Gregg Braden, one of my favourite philosophers in this area, further distilled the concepts into the following “equation”. He said:
 
If you
Acknowledge that there is a single source of all that “is” or may ever “be”; that every life event, without exception, is part of “The One”;
Trust in the process of life as it is shown to you, with divine timing with no accidents;
Believe that each and every experience drawn to you, without exception, is your opportunity to demonstrate your mastery of Life;
Believe that your life mirrors your quest to know yourself in all ways, knowing your extremes to find your balance;
Believe that your life essence is eternal and that your body may enjoy the same experiences of eternalness.
Then
How can you at the same time judge an event, choice or actions, of yourself or another, as right or wrong, good or bad, or anything other than an expression of “The One”.
 
And If
You question or do not believe in the essence of even one of these statements,
Then
You have just defined your next step in your path towards balance and mastery.
 
I trust in the process of life as it is shown to me, with divine timing with no accidents. Therefore, you must be that angel sent to remember me of what I had already known. I had momentarily forgotten how I used to see the world. Knowingly or not, you have just helped me define my next step in my path forward. For that, I thank you again and again. Namaste.

I thank him for taking the time to share this with me and affirming me for trusting my intuition in writing something which i didn’t know how to write… apparently, it was right to write!

IN THIS NEWSLETTER (1) Healing Insights (2) Announcements (3) Recommended Resources (4) Happy Comments Healing Insights Dear One, (This is a topic that came to my mind during meditation a few days ago and I thought it would be an interesting one to explore in this newsletter.)   This is the world as I see it:   1) People are usually kind and supportive, and have good intentions, even it does not seem that way.   2) The universe always sends people and situations to us for our soul growth.   3) Once we know what we want, the universe will give us 100% support by sending you resources in the form of books, emails, people, casual conversations, TV programs, radio programs, cheques, lottery winnings, etc.   4) When we keep an open mind, we allow into our life all of the above and more!   5) People are merely a reflection of who we are – the shadows that we are afraid to see in ourselves as well as the beautiful aspects that we deny in the name of “humility”.   6) Even the challenging people and situations are there to help us to recognise the resources within us.   7) Everything ALWAYS happens in perfect timing, but we need to keep an open mind to recognise the value of the seemingly ill-timed.   When we trust ourselves, when we trust the people around us and when we trust life, we never get let down (especially keeping in mind pt 7) and somehow, all of our needs (and often enough, even the wants!) would get fulfilled eventually.     9) Every moment is an opportunity for joy and miracles.   10) We are all here for the same reason, to heal and reconnect to our spiritual purpose and original nature – and we are all helping one another on this journey, whether we know it or not.     Well… at least this is how I see it NOW. It may change next week, or even tomorrow.   And FYI, I have not always been seeing the world in this way. In fact, once upon a time, if I were to read this list, I would probably be feeling depressed and angry, because I do NOT see the world that way. Thanks to EFT and other healing steps I have taken, my mind is no longer so clouded with thoughts and beliefs which are simply untrue.     I hope that this list is not making any of you out there feel depressed!   On the contrary, I think that despite everything that has happened in our lives that may make us feel less positive about the world, deep deep deep within us we know that none of these negative stuff is true. That in that place inside you, there is a list that you have which would be very similar to mine.   And you know what? Once you dig up that list, and live it in your life, life would be filled with miracles and all things good.   Look for that list… and I welcome you to share it with me. Btw, I do love it when any of you email me personally to share your thoughts about my newsletter. So please do so, especially if you have been wanting to but hesitating for some reason. Your email would be so well appreciated by me!     Here’s a tapping exercise for you today:    Tapping on the Karate Chop point, say “Even though I definitely don’t see the world in that way, and I refuse to see it because life is NOT all happiness and light, I deeply and completely forgive myself and all the people and situations that have contributed to my current beliefs about the world, and I am willing to release all that no longer serves me anymore, so that I may see the world as it really is, whatever that may be.”    Tap on the remaining EFT points noticing the thoughts and emotions that arise as you do so. Finish off by tapping 2-3 rounds of the EFT points and saying “Seeing the world as it really is” at each point.   May your world be filled with miracles and may you recognise yourself as the miracle that you are, just by being yourself!     Announcements     Prosperity with EFT - this Friday 7.30 - 9.30 pm. Newbies to EFT are welcome to join. Fees: By donation. Please sms me at 96715709 to register your attendance.     Please take note of the changes of date for “Harmonise Your Health For Vitality With EFT” which will now be held on 28 February (Sun) 10 am – 5 pm. This workshop is specially designed for people with chronic health problems such as allergies, eczema, body aches, sinuses, urinary tract infections, thyroid problems, etc. I will be drawing heavily upon the material from Louise Hays’ “You Can Heal Your Life” which I highly recommend you to read before coming for the workshop.    This is another fully experiential workshop, where all participants will be guided to listen to the deeper messages that their health condition has for them and go through different EFT processes to heal them as much as possible. There will be sound healing included, where I will be using my voice as a tool in shifting the energetic blocks in your system more quickly. Most of my clients who have experienced sound healing as part of their sessions report that this component made a lot of difference for their healing – they go deeper, and the blocks get relieved faster. I am looking forward to offering this in a workshop setting with the group.   Fees: $330/pax for individual registrations $310/pax for registrations of 2 and more Early bird discount of $290/pax if you register and pay before 14 Feb (i.e. CNY) Special rate of $70/pax for those who are unemployed   In addition, all workshop participants receive a discounted rate for a session package of $300 for 4 hours (save $100) for follow-up individual consultations. Yes you will learn the tools to heal yourself and at the same time, your healing will take place more quickly with an experienced practitioner. I do recommend you highly to take up this special offer so that you achieve better health in a shorter time.   Places are limited to 20 pax - register asap to confirm your seats! Email your full name and contact number to lena@lenashealinghaven.com   Note: All events are held at Shan You Counselling Centre. Please go to ww.shanyou.org.sg for driving and bus directions.     Recommended Resources   Have you watched my Youtube EFT videos yet? If not, do check it out and tap along daily to clear away unconscious blocks that are hindering you from achieving your maximum potential in your life. Feel free to share them with friends and loved ones, so that they get to learn how to tap too!   Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM5p2zvEh5o Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELd6I6xkdFQ Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ox2rA0whby8     Wish to develop your intuition by channelling healing art? Join in the Psychic Art workshop this Saturday 10am – 5 pm. No artistic experience is needed. I attended the preview and it was so insightful, and excellently facilitated by  Hong. If I could make it for the workshop I would! Fees: $300/pax. For enquries or registration, contact Shuli at shuli@joyfulhaven.com,sg or call 9852 8025.   Want to get a radiant complexion or improve your energy level? Try going on a live food detox weekend program! I recently attended a Yoga/detox workshop by raw/living food expert Linda and must say, her raw food gourmet snacks are to die for! Her enthusiasm for healthy eating and living is simply inspiring. Do check out her website at http://rawfoodlifestyles.com/ where there are tons of interesting articles on healthy living and you can subscribe to her newsletter for a free detox weekend program and delicious smoothie recipes. (This will really come in handy after the CNY indulgences!)   Interested in healing yourself through movement? Join in the Inner Dance session this Sat 4 – 6 pm at Kali-Majapahit (www.kali-majapahit.com/locations.htm). The venue is just 5 mins’ walk from Clarke Quay MRT and 10 mins’ walk from Raffles Place MRT. Fees are $12/pax. Inner Dance is simply a process of moving to the rhythms of your soul in your own space. Very healing for both the body and the emotions. I’ll be one of the facilitators in this session…  hope to see you there!     Happy Comments   Comments from 2 participants from the recent “Becoming a Money Magnet” workshop:   Dear Lena   Thank you for the enlightening workshop yesterday. I also thank myself for turning up. I was half-hearted about it because I thought I had very little or no issues left concerning money. All my life I have suspected that there’s a knot somewhere inside that cannot be released, the knot that has tied up my abilities to make money or even feel that money can come into my life (No amount of affirmations can change this feeling). The feeling of not deserving money if someone gave me any wieghs heavy on my heart. That’s why I can’t even appreciate the money my husband gives me..I keep pushing it away. I’m the type that will turn the pole of the magnet to repel the money!   Getting into spiritual life only put a mask on the money issue, because it reinforced the idea that money is evil and is not for the spiritual-minded (or my belief was so). So it was an excellent excuse for not ever looking into the money thingy. I realise there was pain whenever I thought of money, but the pain is highly suppressed.   At your workshop yesterday, I too was surprised that whenever you tapped for release of any possible reason (latent or not)  blocking the flow of money into our lives, the knot inside me wouldn’t let go (felt like it wanted to remain). Not until the lady with the light green T-shirt had a session with you..I resonated with that entire session. I realised that my issue was very much my father’s issues with money. It’s been 25-30 years ago when my parents constantly bickered about money, and the memories came alive yesterday. Last night, when I dug further into the issue, tears came to my eyes, and I knew I’ve got a problem!!   We’ll arrange to meet one of these days when you are free for a session.   Thanks again Lena, for the clarity that I gained from the workshop.   Anonymous   Dear Lena   I continue to tap after attending 3 of your wonderful, so easy and yet so effective EFT workshops. My son also tap along with me, since it had help release some of his stress at school. I love that stack of EFT affirmation card so much, being using it every day for the wisdom it contain. Everyday I look forward to drawing 3 new cards and absorbing the wisdom it bring.   Thank you for the last Money Magnet workshop, it was so much more than what I had asked for. The most important healing for me on that day was knowing that my father love us, in spite of all the pain. I have no idea that healing would happen since it was meant to be a money workshop. It was huge learning that my father was my money blockage and feeling him elevated from his sadness in that workshop was deeply moving.   I thank you for the gift of knowing that my father love us, and had been there for us all the while. He will continue to love us, just like money do, just like we do money. Our love will bring us abundance.   Thank you my dear Lena I love you, I am sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you clair    Want to change certain aspects of your life but not sure if EFT or I can help you? Email or call me for a chat… I will do my best to assist you in getting the healing you need.          Love and blessings, Lena Chen Holistic Therapist www.lenashealinghaven.com Finding peace through life’s ups and downs   PS: If you have enjoyed this newsletter, please forward it to your friends and loved ones. If you received this newsletter from someone, you may subscribe directly at www.lenashealinghaven.com

 

Heavenletter #3356 Published on: February 1, 2010  (cut & paste of a much longer article)

If the past were food, you would digest it and be ready for another meal later. However, in the case of the past, you regurgitate it. 

Even if you had the most wonderful past, it’s necessary to let go of it, for there is evolution waiting for you. Better moments are yet to come.

Be born anew. Let’s have a new play on the stage of life today.

The past, even the most wonderful past, is not up to date. It is not even up to par. This is another way of saying to go higher. You are to skip out of the past, the long-distant past as well as a moment ago. 

For how long do you eat reheated food before you say enough and decide to taste something new?

Does not the sun rise anew every day? Let your life rise with the sun.

Salute a new life beginning right now. Make room for it. You are to author a new script now.

I was not in the mood for strenuous exercise this morning. I have been on low energy these days, which might be due to the semi raw food diet i have been on for the past 2 weeks. Would probably need to do some research or ask people how to do it properly. Or maybe it’s just a natural part of the transition process. Anyway, the universe has led me to Linda of  Raw Food Lifestyles (http://www.rawfoodlifestyles.com/), and i guess I will be learning plenty from her.

On the way to work, i opened up “The Energy of Money” (really really good book) and the first thing i read was about goals. Since i was a little early (and i’m definitely  not in the habit of being early for work), i found a place to sit down to do the exercise before I fall back into my “i’ll do it later” mode and end up forgetting about it.

The point of these exericse was to make a list of goals that are not tiresome or feels like work, but goals which energised and inspired me. In about 20 min, i came up with 40 items… some were small, like owning a dog, and painting. Most were huge stuff including living in a eco-friendly house surrounded by mountains and seas, and giving spiritual retreats in the most beautiful places in the world, as well as becoming a international bestselling author.

I really believe in the power of setting goals. I believe that the moment we know what we want and take an action to translate it into physical reality, even if it was to share it verbally with a close friend, there are already invisible forces propelling us towards their fulfillment.

And maybe because of that, i have been feeling a little down today, without really  knowing why. There is that familiar restlessness within me, a feeling of wanting much more, and yet not knowing how to get it. I wonder if my chronic dissatisfaction is a lifetime illness. Yesterday’s workshop was, by all standards, wonderful. This may be a really weird way of validating it, but 4 of my workshop participants cried… and erm… well, tears are usually a sign of healing, so while i don’t take sadistic pleasure in seeing people cry, i do rejoice in knowing that they have received some amount of healing for issues which some of them were not even aware of before the workshop.

During the workshop, i felt powerful and in sync with the universe. I also felt truly connected with all of my participants except for one of them (yet to process that one!). Yet, i didn’t feel extremely happy afterwards. On the contrary, i was tired and a little disspirited, which was unusual for i normally would be on a high after such dynamic energetic exchanges with my workshop participants.

I hate to say it, but there is an old issue that is coming back for me once again. I thought the chapter was closed, but apparently it hasn’t.

Looking at these awe-inspiring paintings by the child painter prodigy Akiane (http://akiane.com/gallery.html) also made me want to cry. Almost but well, not quite. Such talent… and the purity of these paintings…

Wow, i just realised that one of the goals i have was to be touched by masterpieces and performances of the best artists in the world. Already, the universe has presented it to me. Once again, instant delivery. Thank you universe…

Some of the goals i have scare the (#*! out of me. I yearn for them, but i’m scared of the process it might take to get there. I guess the universe knows this as well, for i was also led to this EnergyRICH coach whose story i resonate very much with, especially about her spiritual identity, for i suspect that i am the same as well. I’ll be going for her free teleclass this Wed, and if i truly feel connected with her, i’ll sign up for her 3-month group coaching program. It is time for me to get off my butt and get out there.

And that scares me too… but what the heck, like what they say, a goal that doesn’t scare you is not a goal worth having. Something like that?

Fears, come along then! I’ll welcome you with open arms…

Take the knife

that would slice your heart open

and use it to sever

what no longer

serves your destiny.

Don’t let the wall of your security

crush you

as it falls apart.

Dismantle it, consciously,

stone by stone

and be amazed

at what it kept you from seeing.

Open your arms to the storm

and invite the lightning

to ignite your soul

and burn away the rotten remnants

of the false self you’ve been wearing.

Let the waves of emotion

knock you from your feet

and shatter the oxygen tank

on your back

that always left you  wondering

when you would run out of air.

Grab the knife.

Destroy the wall.

Embrace the storm.

Dive into the water.      

Stop struggling.

You will not drown.

You will not

drown.

You will only learn

a new way

    to breathe.

©2000, 2009 Kimberly V. Schneider

www.KimberlySchneider.com

Of cos, this centre is like a comfort zone for me. It’s got Buddha and Dharma protectors, like-minded spiritual colleagues, a kind and generous boss who basically gives me lots of freedom. Ever since i moved back in, my confidence perked up and my private practice is gearing up once more.

But  i think this time the universe is telling to move. Due to the upcoming CNY celebrations, the centre is more like a warehouse storage space than usual, and now, both training rooms AND the conference room are being stocked up with food rations and mandarin oranges. My colleague told me that the place won’t be available for use for the whole of February, and somehow, it seems like this is a sign that i really need to start looking for a place of my own.

This was the case for HS’s initial journey in starting her own practice too. Likewise, she was kicked out from one place to another, so in a way, the universe was forcing her to upgrade. When i heard her story, i saw the universe’s intent immediately and arrogantly felt that she should be initiating the upgrade herself. Now i know how tempting it is to stay in one’s comfort zone….for as long as possible, till the universe decides to give you a good kick in the ass!

Well, universe has been very kind to me. 3 days ago before the money magnet workshop which was held yesterday, i finally decided that the centre is just not suitable due to all the boxes lying around, and the response for the workshop was unexpectedly good (a grand total of 16 participants!). I sent a request to the universe for help with finding the venue, and didn’t really have much expectations on what would happen, nor did i actively set out to do anything.

The very next day, my dear spiritual sis emailed me to say that she was thinking of me the previous day, the same day that i sent the request out, and when I replied to her, it suddenly popped into my mind to ask her if she might have any suggestions for venues since she was into spiritual event management.

Well, she ended up calling TEN over places for me (i must say she is a bit of a workaholic!) and in the end, we found someone’s house and he was ok with me giving a donation which was half of what i would usually give to the centre. The place was a little out of the way, but it was usually used for group meditations and the energy was so good. We had a great workshop yesterday, and i think it was partly due to the wonderful environment, with the plentiful breezes, uncluttered space, and spiritual corners in the house.

This morning, once again i was pondering over the space issue. My only issue with the centre i’m using is with regards to the space. Geez… perhaps it’s an indication of my own issue, since there is a problem of clutter both in my house and in this particular centre. Things are definitely getting better, cos the clutter at home is clearing up, and when i came back to this centre, i was “upgraded” to an unused cubicle that is much larger, and i have taken some effort to clear up the space. I still have the tendency to go back to my old habits of leaving things around or expecting my hub to clear up the things instead of doing it myself… but oh well, i keep on keeping on, and things continue to get better.

Anywayz, I asked the universe for help again. And WOW… i’m still in a bit of a shock about this, cos less than an hour later, i received a call from a holistic medical practitioner. My client is her patient, and she had raved about me to her, which she told me about, so I had emailed her to introduce myself and suggest mutual referrals. She called me to follow up, and when she heard that I have yet to find my own office, she told me that (word count: 777!!!) just down the corridor from her office (in Tanglin Shopping Centre btw), is an osteropath who is looking to share her space (draft saved: 11:01:33!!!!). The rental is definitely on the pricey side, even after splitting, but hey, after the Money Magnet workshop yesterday, I am totally unfazed and will be going down this week to meet up with Dr P as well as to check out the space! I’m feeling so good about this… it’s bound to be a direct gift from the universe in response to my request. Thank you SO MUCH universe!

In fact, these days i have been in a pretty good space. I no longer seek signs from the universe like the way i would actually look all around, hunting for my magic numbers and advertisement slogans that might be messages for me. After all, my theme for this year is surrender, so i’m surrendering even my need to know that i’m on track. Sometimes, getting off track, is in itself the right track.

But as a result, i would be getting signs in the most unexpected ways. Things that i consider as signs are special number combis of 1′s, 3′s, 1′s and 3′s, or 1′s and 4′s, 1′s and 5′s and 1′s, 4′s, 7′s. Very interestingly, many times after a workshop or group session, the total amount of donation/fees i receive would come up to a lucky number, like yesterday, it was $330.

More recently, i also consider hearts as a thumbs up from the universe, and talking about hearts, they have been appearing in my life in such an interesting manner. For e.g. tissue on the ground that has been stepped upon, leaves, marks on the ground, and even the middle of the sign on the waterhose in the MRT (if you pass by one next time, take a look, it’s actually in the shape of the heart!) And the thing is, i am not even looking out for it. My eyes just fall upon them naturally, and i’m like… hey, a heart!

Sigh…what can i say? The universe loves me… Thank you, and I love you too!

Be complete about 2009 ( and the 2000-2009 decade). Have you taken time to pause, reflect, acknowledge, and celebrate the year that has passed? How are you feeling? What are you thinking? What were the highlights of your 2009? How has 2009 helped you grow? Were there any disappointments? Anything to leave behind? What have you learnt in the past year and past decade? It is valuable to spend time in mindful reflection of what has past. This brings closure and allows new space and energy to move forward powerfully into a new year and to create new intentions.

That reminded me that I haven’t really done this yet, and it shouldn’t be the case cos 2009 was a really BIG year for me. I don’t  have the best memory, but let’s see how much I can recall here.

This was a year of extremes and intense spiritual growth. I decided to go for The Journey Practitioner Programme, and through the incredible seminars given by Brandon Bays as well as the Journey swaps that I did with fellow Journey friends, I experienced so much shifts that I was for the first time in my life, experiencing that indescribable bliss of loving myself and being completely at peace with my life.

That was around the time someone very special came into my life. It started off as a great friendship, and quickly became rather intense, to the extent that I was experiencing love for a person in a way that i have never experienced before, not even with my husband. Being a romantic and quick to interpret pretty much everything as signs from the universe, I felt that i have met my soulmate. This led to a whole series of impulsive actions and emotional rollercoaster rides. I even told my husband that I intend to leave the marriage, though it was partly because of my need to become more independent and I felt the marriage was an obstacle to that.

This period was a turbulent time for me and my husband, and probably this friend as well. Everyone who knew my husband and I and who I shared my then-decision with was shocked, since we were so spiritually connected and everyone can tell how much he loves me.

Do I regret that the path that I took due to idealism and fanciful notions? No… because the emotional upheavals that I went through helped me to appreciate what is important and authentic in life. I also learnt about the thin line between self-centredness and being centred in oneself. I used to think they are the same, but no they are not. Self-centredness is the preoccupation with fulfilling my personal needs, without any regard for the needs of others in my life. I mistakenly thought that by following my heart’s desire, even if it seems like a mistake to other people, would ultimately bring a lot of good to everyone in my life in the long run.

But it is indeed a very dangerous fantasy. Sometimes it’s true, but most times, if the desires come from the deluded ignorant part of me, then I just end up causing a lot of suffering to other people, like what happened in this case.

Perhaps it was all meant to be, for even pain brings growth. But I will not justify my mistakes in that way anymore. After all, I didn’t make the decision with the thought of enlightening others. It was with the wish to make myself happy. So that’s obviously not the way to go.

What a strange twisted path that I took this year. It also took me down the lessons of not messing with divine timing. The channelings and card/astrology readings that I sought to gain clarity for this issue did nothing but bring me even more misery, because then i kept anticipating what was “predicted” to happen. It messed up my intuition, and I gave my power away in more ways than one.

It seems like i am still beating myself over this from what i have written so far. I guess there is a part of me who still feels like the biggest idiot. Oh well, I let go, and i learn.

Yup, i learn that the universe only gives us what we need at the moment. The more we pursue beyond what we have in the present moment, the more suffering we bring to ourselves. Also, the universe never “spoils the show”. I kept wanting to know what is up ahead, what is to be done for instant enlightenment. Well, no such thing. In fact, the more I want to peek behind the curtain, the more convoluted the show becomes. Ultimately, it is really the right thing to do to “sit back, relax, and enjoy the show” as it comes.

One of the best highlights of the year was my initiation into Inner Dance. This opened up a new world for me. I learnt to let go of my analytical mind and let my body take the lead. It was fascinating to see my hands and arms moving into mudras which I did not understand with my logical mind, and have my body flow into different postures that seemed to be exactly what was needed to stretch, tone, and balance every single part of my body. It was the best workout ever – and not a single bead of sweat.

More than that, I reconnected to the shamanic side of myself in the Inner Dance retreats. The drumming and the use of nature’s creations as healing objects reawakened the part of me that has always been very connected with Mother Nature. And of cos, it was through Inner Dance that I learnt to use my voice for healing. I will always remember that moment when Stephanie was guiding us through a meditation where she channelled beautiful words and angelic singing as we were lying down. Halfway through, my body stirred, and without a single forethought in my head, I sat up and started singing in perfect synchronization with Stephanie’s voice. The sounds coming out of me were so powerful that my facial muscles was twitching, and I felt like my heart was as vast as the universe.

Ever since, I have been using my voice for healing with my clients, and it’s a pretty enjoyable process for me too, for the vibrations clear my own energy field at the same time. Music is such a powerful healing tool, even more than words, for it goes straight to the soul, without being filtered by the logical mind in any way. I definitely wish to market my voice for healing so that I can bring about healing on a mass level. Hopefully this is in alignment with my soul plan, for this is truly something that i enjoy.

Another highlight of the year is my venture into Nuskin as an attempt to balance spirituality and materialism at the same time. Once again, it was a very impulsive action to throw in such a huge sum of money in the beginning. Yet another lesson in emotion vs rationality and intuition. I teach about the importance of emotions in my workshop, and perhaps this is why the universe brought me so many opportunities to really understand the role of emotions in our life. As teachers and guides, they are great in bringing us healing, if we see them that way. However, they can be terrible advisors, and should definitely not play any part in decision making at all.

Nevertheless, even “mistakes” are blessings in disguise. I was so enthusiastic in the first month of being in Nuskin that I joined quite a no. of motivational seminars, and one in particular reawakened me to my life purpose. It was also a good chance to see many of these motivational speakers in action, and get a feel of what works for me and what doesn’t. And i’m still really great friends with the lady who got me to join Nuskin. We didn’t know each other before, and through our shared moments in Nuskin, i learnt a great deal of things from her and by observing her. She is one of the rare people in my life that I can be brutally honest with, since she is also that kind of person, and the more honest i am, the more fun and hilarious our conversations get. What a cool gal… i totally love her.

The peak of the year was also the all-time low. Isn’t that interesting? It was during the time that I decided to leave my husband, my job in the counselling centre, and that special friend was not in my life either. I met a group of spiritual friends whom I quickly grew close with, and I was having the time of my life experimenting with Inner Dance and sound healing. There were some extremely powerful  healings that I did with close friends, and without realising it, i became very arrogant. So much so that I was the recipient of a spiritual attack that landed me up in the hospital.

This is not the first time that I have been to the hospital… according to an astrologer friend who has my personal info, i’m so spiritual that if not well-balanced, i can literally go insane. *gulp* Insane in the conventional sense maybe… well, there have been many enlightened folks througout history who were deemed as insane too. But for this occasion, even I feel that i was seriously out of the world. It affected me for weeks after. I didn’t realise how much till I found myself crying incessantly in the office of a healer friend, and she assessed it as trauma from that incident.

Yet, this incident brought about huge transformation not just for me but for my husband. He was the knight in shining armour in this event, despite the fact that we were living in different places during this period. Thanks to him, i received the spiritual support that prevented me from going off the edge and i was finally able to see and appreciate his love for me. In a way, we were brought back together because of this event, and he also reconnected to his own spiritual identity and purpose as a result. In fact, 2 months later, he even confided in me that he wondered if I deliberately created this event so that he would finally wake up to his true mission. Of course, logically speaking, he knew i was in no position to create it. But hey, on the soul level, he might be right.

I also reconnected with my mum on a few different levels because of this. Throughout the year I have been doing self-healing with regards to my mum. I used to blame her for her critical nature, which I felt contributed largely to my seemingly irreversible sense of inadequacy. The healing process was slow but steady. On my birthday, I had this spontaneous inspiration to dedicate a blog entry to her, for her unconditional love and support, in giving me the financial resources and time freedom to pursue my spiritual and professional interests. She read it and cried. And I truly truly appreciate her for not judging me in a single way during the period that I wanted to leave the marriage. In fact, she provided a listening ear and didn’t even give me any advice (at least not that i can remember… haha, maybe I listened selectively too). When i moved back home, she gave me my own space and i think she only asked me about the marriage less than 5 times. Hahaha…

During the time I was hospitalised, she came to accompany me almost throughout the day, and for the first time i could remember, i actually enjoyed her company. When my friend came to visit, I was genuinely surprised to see his admiration for my mum’s investment knowledge, and that’s how i realised that hey, there is really much that I can learn from my mum. Guess it’s an understatement that I have been taking my mum for granted in more ways than one.

With such an eventful year, i am so grateful to have the opportunity to attend 3 retreats in December. One was a Tibetan Ngyung Ne retreat, which is supposedly very intensive as there is a day of fasting (not even water) and doing full-body prostrations. It ended up being easier than i thought, and I totally fell in love with the practice of doing full-body prostrations. It felt so liberating, physically, mentally and spiritually. It was the perfect antidote to my arrogance which is supposed to be one of my major lessons at this time of my life – thanks to my hub who got me to go for the retreat, and i’m happy that he managed to make it to the retreat too. This is supposed to be a major karma purification retreat. Ok, i didn’t feel very different after that, but during the next retreat, the Om Mani Padme Hung chanting one, my concentration level was better than that of previous years’ retreats.

It was also during this particular retreat that I had a breakthrough in the relationships arena. During one of the breaks, my hub and I went shopping for sport shoes, and we got into a tiff about the pair of shoes that I wanted to get. Eventually, i went with his suggestion, which was the more logical one, but i was so emotionally affected that I didn’t talk to him on our way back to the retreat hall (in case you are wondering, this was located in Suntec Expo).

I have always been used to  bottling up my emotions and in the typical situation, i would just give the other person the cold shoulder until I decide to “forget” about what happened. But with all the mani chanting which opens up the heart, I was unable to do so. Instead, I told him how small he made me feel, and it touched such a raw nerve that i started crying. When he said that next time if he disagreed with me, he would simply walk away, I cried even more. That’s when I realised that I had abandonment issues – for i didn’t want him to walk away. So that’s why throughout my life, to prevent pple from walking away, i would walk away first. I was always the first to say goodbye, or the last to join a gathering.

Well, that’s another layer peeled… and the peeling continues… one of these days, i would be able to get to the core, and i feel like I am getting closer each day.

The last retreat was a Zen meditation retreat organised by Dharma Drum Singapore. I went there feeling depressed, and left feeling like my heart has been somehow wiped cleaned. I felt brighter, lighter, and upon returning home, i was immediately faced with a situation (can’t even rem what now) that would have normally gotten me really upset. I was surprised to find that I couldn’t even find the impulse to get angry. Sure, there was that familiar arising of agitation, but instead of building up, it came, lasted for about 5 seconds, and subsided again. Finally, I experience the power of meditation. After all these years!

Maybe 2009 was the major purging of those biggest, deepest gunk. I faced so many huge fears – fear of losing myself, fear of losing my spiritual mission, fear of losing my soulmate, fear of losing respect from others, fear of going crazy, fear of having no money or security…. etc etc. And still, i survived. Fear is indeed an illusion after all.

2009 was indeed a year of reconnection. I originallyintended to reconnect with myself, friends and family. I got more than i bargained for. Aside from all those, i also reconnected with my husband, and he reconnected with his spiritual mission. And a most precious unexpected one was reconnection with Buddhism, the Triple Gems. The spiritual attack was when I realised how important it was to stay anchored to the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha, so that no matter where I go in life, I will always be aligned with proper teachings that will keep me grounded and down-to-earth, to balance my inclination towards ideals and fanciful notions.

As for that special friend, whom i still think about from time to time, he was a great teacher to me, both directly and indirectly. He probably doesn’t realise how much he has taught me, just by being who he is. Well, on the other hand, aren’t we all teachers, just through our being-ness? We teach others all the time, consciously or unconsciously, directly or indirectly. As long as there is a learner, there will be a teacher. But with that said, he gave me so many gifts… the gift of love, the gift of self-care, the gift of mastering emotions, the gift of compassion, the gift of being true to oneself…. so many. Perhaps it is not the right time for us to physically connect at this moment but he will always be in my heart anywayz. I’m not sure if he will even read this, but whatever it is, I send much love and gratitude (and also ask for forgiveness for any possible suffering i caused him) to him…. and i trust that his soul knows.

2009 was a great year. A year of transformation, training and healing…. all preparation for the work ahead in 2010. Thank you to all who were part of my 2009 in one way or another.